My Heart Sings For You
by X-love stories-X-babydoll-X
Summary: Its Toshiro's birthday and Rangiku has arranged a surprise party at the Kuchiki estate.but will the hostess be able to stand being so close to someone who she loved most and who hurt her most.a re-do.K for now kk.first ever story. xxxx
1. Chapter 1

**I do NOT own Bleach, the songs used or any of its characters, can only say I wish I did though. List of songs at the end if you can't follow this story. a re-do coz I had many mistakes and it needed to be longer lol. **

_**Rukia singing**_

_Matsumoto singing_

Both singing

**My Heart Sings for You**

**Chapter 1 **

As Rukia lay on my bad trying to relax, she remember the conversation that her brother, Byakuya and Matsumoto had today concerning the birthday of the informs 10th division captain Toshiro Hitsugaya. As she thought back over their convocation, she could say without dough that she had been surprised to say the least. After all hearing that the Lieutenant of her ex-boyfriend wants to through a surprise birthday party at her own home, well let's just say that it was her who got the surprise.

_**Flashback**_

_As she sat with her brother in the late morning enjoying a nice cup of green tea and talking about her day, while looking out over the gardens of the Kuchiki manor she felt a sense of security, knowing that here in her own home she wouldn't run into that one person who she just couldn't face at the moment, the one person who she trusted other that the man sitting beside her. She hadn't told her brother the real reason she and Hitsugaya had broken up, because she knew that if she did there would be no more 10th division Captain. He had just finished telling her that he and the elders was going to a hot spring because of all the stress they had been under during the war, and that she would have the manor to herself for three days after today, when a slight knock came at the door and the voice of one of the servants could be heard on the other said of the paper door._

"_Lord Kuchiki there is a Rangiku Matsumoto her to speak with you." The voice said then waited for a reply from within._

_As Rukia looked at her brother she was sure that if it was anyone else other than Byakuya, she would have seen the grimace, but as it stands it was Byakuya sitting beside her. Byakuya answered with a simple, "Fine, send her in." And straightened himself up, Rukia did the same and waited to see if she would have to leave. The door opened and there stood the tall and busty Rangiku Matsumoto, smiling like the Cheshire cat from ear-to-ear._

_With a smile bow she walked into the room and sat down. Rukia now being in the presence of two people in higher position's than herself bowed to Matsumoto and smile politely. "Hello Lieutenant Matsumoto." Then she turned to her brother. _

"_Brother. Do you need me to leave?" she asked. He shook his head, and looked at Matsumoto. If Rukia hadn't seen the look in his eyes she wouldn't have known anything, but she did. It was a look that said __**'don't leave me alone with her'**__ she gave a small smile and looked back at the Lieutenant, who looked like she was nervous of something._

_The Lieutenant took a breath and began to speak. "I realize Captain Kuchiki that you may not want to help me out but I was wondering if...you would be so kind as to let me hold a surprise birthday party in your beautiful gardens for...my Captain?" Rukia looked at her brother knowing he will say no to this request. Rukia herself knew who the party was for before the name ever left the other woman's mouth. Trying her best to hide the hurt that came whenever Toshiro's name was mentioned she turned to look at the floor._

_Byakuya look at his sister as did Matsumoto before turning to the Lieutenant with no emotion. "I'm afraid that will not be possible, as you see myself and the elders are leavening tonight for a few days, and the only person here would be Rukia, and considering everything I don't think that would be the wisest of ideas, although I cannot speak for her you will need to ask her if she would help you, and even then you have to convince me." To Rukia it was the longest speech she had ever heard her brother say to anyone outside the clan._

_Then she suddenly realized that both of them was waiting on her to give her point of view. She carefully lifted her head masking an emotion before her face actually came into view, and with a small smile on her face she replied as simply as possible. "I would be only too happy to help you out Lieutenant Matsumoto, and if my brother accepts its ok then I see no problem helping you out." She said as she lowered her head back down again so none of the two could see the fear in her eyes._

_After a few minutes of strained silence Byakuya took a breath and replied in his usual tone. "I personally wouldn't help you, however I will not be here so the decision falls to Rukia." He turned his head to Rukia, with a rear caring expression, seeing her eyes drenched in sadness but also acceptance. So with a polite smile and her head bent she nodded her head slightly, letting them know that she will help. Even though the thought of having Toshiro in her home, in her place of security scared her, she agreed. She lifted her head and looked at Matsumoto._

"_Well then Lieutenant Matsumoto I think we should start with planning this surprise as it is tomorrow, would you follow me to the library so we can get started." She said as she turned back to her brother and gave a bow before standing up and walking out with Matsumoto walking next to her, who was watching Rukia and the peaces came into place. Matsumoto finally got it, the reason she accepted to help her was because her brother didn't know the real reason for the brake up and if Rukia declined it would just cause suspicion._

"_You...never told you brother...did you?" she didn't need to ask because she already knew the answer, but it felt like the right thing to say at the time and she could see that the young woman in front of her was painfully hurting. Rukia couldn't speak because she knew her voice would give way, so she just nodded and carried on walking to the library to start working out the preparations._

_**End of flashback**_

As she lay there now she ran through the mental list to make sure that everything had been done.

_Decoration-__**Done. **_

_Menu-__**Done.**_

_Drink's-__**Done.**_

_Birthday cake-__**Being taken care of by the chef and will be ready for tomorrow.**_

_Invitations-__**Sent.**_

_Entertainment-__**Karaoke set up and ready to go.**_

_Music for playing when no one is singing-__**CD's ready to play.**_

'_And now that just leaves one thing' _She thought as she starts to close her eyes and drift off to sleep for another restless night. _'Getting my emotion in check so that when he turns up with Momo, I won't be a crying mess and run and hide.'_ With the last thought in mind she finally goes to sleep where her dreams continue to bombard her with all the hurt she is feeling and the pain of losing the one she had loved with all her heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As Rukia's eyes flutter open on the morning of 20th December, with a gentle wind blowing in through the slightly open window she sense the calm wash over her. That was until she remembered that today is Toshiro's birthday and that she is hosting a surprise party that Lieutenant Matsumoto had asked to hold at the Kuchiki manor. She gets up out of bed and goes to the kitchen where the chef is just finishing the last touches on the birthday cake. She smiles and thanks the chef for working so hard and says its amazing leaving the kitchen she goes to the servant's quarters and asks them if they would mind putting up the decorations for tonight. With that being taken care of she went back to her room and had a nice relaxing bath.

_**Meanwhile at the 10th division**_

"Ohh come on Captain, all I want to do is go and check on her to make sure she's ok, she is my friend after all." Matsumoto pleaded, she was hopping her Captain, the one and only Toshiro Hitsugaya Captain of the 10th division, wouldn't be this hard when it came to the young Kuchiki but it seems he's avoiding her because of what happened. She was so close to being on her knees begging him, she felt both anger and concern. Anger that it was her Captain's fault that Rukia Kuchiki is hurting so much right now, not to mention angry at what he did to her, and concern because he never smiles these days not like her did when the two where together, not now that he's with Momo Hinamori.

"For the last time Masumoto, NO! I can't go over there. It will only make things worse." He sighed as he signed some of the paperwork that his division had and set it to one side. In his mind he could hear Hyorinmaru cursing him and telling him to go make sure the little woman is ok, and he couldn't say he didn't want to, because he did more than anything. But he couldn't face her not after...he shook his head letting go of that train of thought. He knew he did wrong and he knew that the reason he hasn't seen her around lately is because she's avoiding him. Who wouldn't after what he did.

Matsumoto stood there staring at her Captain thinking who nice it would be to go back to the days when he wouldn't shout at her so much, and that was all thanks to the youngest Kuchiki. So she tried again. "Captain please I just want to make sure she's ok, Renji said that she wasn't acting like her normal self the other day and that by what he can tell she's lost weight. I just want to help her if I can is all." She hoped that would be enough to get her Captain to agree or else everything would go down the drain if he didn't show up tonight, it was HIS birthday party after all.

At hearing her words on how Rukia, the girl he loved and still does, is not acting like herself and then on how her heath is going downhill, makes him mentally slap himself in the head, how could he do this to her. He sighs and looks at his Lieutenant's face seeing the concern etched into it. Looking back down at his paperwork he remembers that last time he heard her laugh, a laugh that could light up your world and leave you happy for the rest of the day. He missed it. "Fine Matsumoto go and see her." But when he looks back up and still sees her there he lifts on brow. "What now?" he groans.

"Well I'm only a Lieutenant Captain, I won't get in without you being there, you know this as well as I do." She tried adding a pleading look to her own face, and as she saw his face, it held the very essence of regret and remorse and she could tell that he knew he made the biggest mistake of his life, and now he was miserable for it. She knew she had won this argument when he sighed and looked to the clock.

Looking at the clock Toshiro saw it was 2:15pm already, 'where did the day go' he thought to himself. With another sigh he looked back at his Lieutenant and dropped his head, speaking in a low tone that she could just make out. "Fine. We'll leave after I have finished work for the day at 5:30pm ok, will that be fine with you?" she nodded her head and said she was just going to have a word with the 5th seat about something. He didn't catch it because she was already out the door, what he didn't see was Matsumoto ordering a Hell Butterfly to send a message to all the people going tonight and of course telling them the time to be at the Kuchiki manor, then one to Rukia herself _'Rukia I got him to come, we'll be there at just gone 5:30pm ok, I told everyone to come at about 5pm so that they can help you if you need it, thanks a million again for this and love to you.'_

On the inside of the office Toshiro was gazing off into space, thinking of the time he and Rukia had shared a watermelon in her Captains office in the division, thinking of that bittersweet memory brought a little smile to his face.

_**Flashback**_

_He had gone to the 13th division to hand in a report. On his way through the halls he had heard a heavenly voice singing a song from the human world._

"_And the sorrow that you know,_

_Will melt away,_

_And then a hero comes along,_

_With the strength to carry on,_

_And you cast your fears aside,"_

_He was right outside the office of Jushiro Ukitake and could hear the voice better, and when he opened the door there she was._

"_And you know you can survive,_

_So when you fell like hope is gone,_

_Look inside you and be strong,_

_And then you'll finally see the truth,"_

_And then she turned and sang a line right to his face._

"_That a hero lies in you"_

_And when she saw him standing there she jumped back and bowed low stumbling over to apologize, until he held up his hand and told her it was ok. He looked at her face a saw a pink blush on her cheeks and smiled a rear smile. She smiled in return and looked at him. "Is there anything I can do for you Captain Hitsugaya?" he didn't say a word just held out the report and then spotted the watermelon on the desk, she saw him looking at it and giggled a little bit, it was like music to his ears._

"_Captain Hitsugaya, would you like some? I only just cut it when I was listening to a DC I borrowed from Ichigo's sister." She smiled at him and then held out the plate for him to take a peace, which he did._

"_Thanks Kuchiki," he said sitting down. "And umm...you have a very nice voice by the way." She smiled and tanked him. Then they just sat around talking, he had fun that day._

_**End of flashback**_

That's the end of chapter 1, chapter 2 coming next xxx.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright here is chapter 2 I'm trying to make each of the chapters the same length in words, at one point this was all one story. Again I declare that bleach, the characters and the songs used are not mine. xxxx**

**My Heart Sings for You **

**Chapter 2**

He snapped out of his daydream as he heard a knock on his door, with a gruff 'Enter' in strolled Matsumoto wearing a pink kimono with a lush red sash and red flower patens on the top of the kimono. Smiling from ear to ear she walked over to her Captain and waited. Toshiro not realizing what she was waiting for looked at the clock and frowned, it was 5:26pm. The time had flown by and he still had a few reports to sign so he quickly signed them and left them there. As he stood there wondered why Matsumoto had changed but decided to drop it because he really didn't want to get into a conversation about cloths. He straightened out his own cloths before heading to the door, with Matsumoto hot on his heels.

_**Back at the Kuchiki manor**_

Rukia had just finished getting herself dressed as she walked out of her bedroom door and walked down the hall heading to the gardens, when she felt his and Matsumoto's reiatsu slowly walking to the manor, everyone else could feel it to because they became quite and waited for their mark. Feeling nervous of seeing him again after so long she looked down at her outfit. She was wearing a light ice blue kimono with white and purple butterflies stitched upon it going from her right hips and heading down and across to her left side at the bottom, the single line of butterflies were lightly glimmering in the dim light. She took a deep breath, shaking her head. As she walked to the main gates of the Kuchiki manor she tried to collect her confidence. As she opened the gate she had to hold her breath because there he was, fighting the urge to run away she bowed stiffly and welcomed them in

Turning around and walking down the hall again on her way to the gardens so that this can all be over as fast as possible, she couldn't help were her mind was wondering to, it just so happens that this memory wasn't nice.

_**Flashback **_

_As she walked to Toshiro's quarters with a spring in her step, like she always does when she is going to visit her boyfriend. She arrived at his quarters and walked in no needing to knock because Toshiro had told her she didn't need to. And when she arrive what a shock she got. Standing in the kitchen was Toshiro and Momo locking lips right in front of her, the breath she took when she first opened the door was now stock and she couldn't breathe. The way he held Momo was the same way he held her. She could feel the tears burning in her eyes but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. Right then they noticed that she was standing there, she had never seen Toshiro move so fast in all her life, so she did the only thing she could do and bowed a deep bow hiding her face from view._

"_I'm sorry for interrupting Captain Hitsugaya." She said with a little shake in her voice and she darted out the room right as Toshiro got to where she had just been standing. She ran all the way back to the Kuchiki manor and straight to her room, she cried to herself and stayed in there for a long time that day..._

_**Flashback interrupted **_

"Rukia are you with us?" a voice now asked her breaking her out of her daze she had been in only seconds ago. Looking up she saw Matsumoto looking at her with a concern expression, she smile and nodded and motion towards the garden, wanting to get this over and done with. And she stepped down of the wooden flooring and onto the grass the lanterns that were placed there to light up the party, lit up and illuminated the scene before them, at that paint everyone jumped out and shouted. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA"

Toshiro was a little bit busy watching Rukia to see the scene and the lights came to life, but when he heard the shouts he turned his head and looked at it, the garden looked even more beautiful if that was even possible, the sakura petals falling to the ground was catching the light from the lanterns and giving them a slight glow. A banner hanging from one side of the garden to the other that read 'Happy Birthday Toshiro' in what he could tell within seconds was Rukia's neat, elegant handwriting. The food on a large table was laid out and in the centre was a dragon ice sculpture that glimmered and shined in the light. He couldn't believe Rukia or Byakuya for that matter had allowed this, but he was grateful just the same. As he looked at Rukia again he saw her smile to him.

"Your Lieutenant thought it would be nice if you could relax a little bit on your birthday, I hope you enjoy the evening, if you need anything I will be around here somewhere." She bowed and walked off into the crowd leavening Toshiro to watch as people greeting her and even a few men flirting with her, she just brushed them off politely. Once again he was drawn to the brilliant kimono she was wearing he remembered her wearing that one once when they were on a date. And as she kept walking he saw were or rather who, she was heading to, her friends Renji and Ichigo.

When Rukia got to Renji and Ichigo she gave them a slight hug and started talking to them. "So you guys what do you think, did I do well with this or what?" she ask smiling and feeling a certain pair of eyes burning holes in her back, but she wouldn't look round she just sat down with her friends. As she sat down she looked at the petals floating around her.

"I'll say you did amazing, not that he deserves it but it was kind of you to allow Matsumoto to hold _**his**_ party here, so when do we get to hear you sing? I know you can." Said Renji plopping down on the ground next to her and giving her an evil look. She smiled and looked at the mini stage that had been set up and someone who she didn't know singing out of key and the wrong words, she laughed and looked back at Renji, then shook her head.

Just then Matsumoto came bounding over obviously drinking sake of course, and looked at Rukia in the face. "You and I are going to sing next I already picked out the song, it is one of those human songs you like listening to so much. So come on." She said laughing and dragging Rukia by the hand to the stage and waiting. "Matsumoto I can't sing, I don't want to." And she knew that Toshiro was still watching her because she could still feel his eyes on her. Right then the person on stage got off and Matsumoto ran on waving and smiling like an idiot, she grabbed the mike.

"Ok everyone we going to need a little help getting our hostess up her and singing with me, so please give it up for Rukia Kuchiki." She pointed her hand and Rukia who was shaking her head, than whistling and shouting could be heard mostly from Renji and Ichigo, they knew she could sing and was looking forward to it. So Rukia reluctantly stepped on stage and took the second mike. Then she looked at Matsumoto, who was about to say something else. "Ok now, this is a song from the human world so you may not know it or like it but I do so let's get going." All of a sudden the Music started. Rukia shook her head, but smiled.

(Matsumoto and **Rukia**)

_**Yeah Yeah**_

_I've been waiting all day up for you babe,_

_So won't you come and sit and talk to me,_

_And tell me how we're gone to be together always,_

_I hope you know that when it's late at night,_

_I hold on to my pillow tight,_

_And think of how you promised me forever._

_(I never thought that anyone) __**could make me feel this way,**_

_(Now that you here boy all I want) __**is just a chance to say.**_

_**Get out**__ (leave),_

_**Right now,**_

It's the end of you and me,

_**It's too late**__ (now)_

_**And I can't wait,**_

For you to be gone.

_**Because I know,**_

_**About her**__ (move),_

_**And I wonder**__ (why?),_

_**How I bought all the lies,**_

You said, that you, could treat me right,

_**But you were just a waste of time**__ (waste of time)._

_**Tell me why you looking so confused,**_

_**When I'm the one who didn't know the truth,**_

_**How could you ever be so cold,**_

_**You go behind my back and call my friend,**_

_**Boy you must have gone bumped your head,**_

_**Because you let her number on your phone.**_

_(So now after all is said and done) __**maybe I'm the one to blame but,**_

_(To think that you could be the one) __**well it didn't work out that way.**_

_**Get out **__(leave),_

**Right now,**

Its the end of you and me

_**It's too late**__ (now)_

_**And I can't wait,**_

For you to be gone.

_(You to be gone)._

_**Because I know,**_

_**About her**__ (move),_

_**And I wonder**__ (why?),_

_**How I bought all the lies, **__(all the lies)_

You said, that you, could treat me right,

_**But you were just a waste of time**__ (waste of time)._

(Both)

I wanted you right here with me,

But I have no choice you got to leave,

Because my heart is breaking,

With every word I'm saying,

I gave up everything had,

On something that just wouldn't last.

_**(Rukia)**_

_**But I refuse to cry!**_

_**No tears will fall from these**_

_**Eyes...!**_

_**Oooh ooh!**_

_**GET OUT**_

_**Get out **__(leave),_

**Right now,**

It's the end of you and me

_**It's too late**__ (now)_

_**And I can't wait,**_

For you to be gone.

_(You to be gone)._

_**Because I know,**_

_**About her**__ (move),_

_**And I wonder**__ (why?),_

_**How I bought all the lies, **__(all the lies)_

You said, that you, could treat me right,

_**But you were just a waste of time**__ (waste of time)._

_**Get out **__(leave)_

...little brake in-between lines...

_(you and me)_ _**its too late **__(too late)_

_(yooou) __**about her **__(move) (why?)_

You said, that you, could treat me right

_**But you was just a waste of time **__(waste of time)_

_**Ooh Ooh**_

Throughout the entire song the crowd was silent, but as soon as the song ended all you could hear were loud clapping, shouts of praise and a lot of whistling, Rukia blushed slightly at all the attention and walked off stage with her head low and went back to Renji and Ichigo. Sitting down she drowned out the sound of them complimenting her and all the others who were now having a great time some people singing, some dancing, most drinking and the rear few just sitting around talking with friends, she listened to people singing and couldn't help but smile, she heard Matsumoto and Shunsui singing a song, slurring their words and missing beats here and there.

As the night grew on Rukia found herself trying to recall the songs her friends had sung.

Ichigo sang a song by a band called guns 'n' roses, the song called Sweet child of mine and it really was good.

Renji sang a song from a group call green day and the song was so fitting to him, it was called American idiot. She had laughed when she first heard those words.

And Matsumoto sang a song by a woman named pink the song fitting her to a 'T' it was called Sober, though sober she was not, she could hardly stand let alone sing.

Through all this Toshiro sat talking to Momo and Matsumoto, whenever she would come and sit down that was, but his mind was completely on Rukia and the way she was laughing and joking around with her two dumb friends, he was man enough to admit that he was jealous of them getting to spend time with her, although he didn't admit it out loud. He had been watching her for two or three hours now, from across the garden. Matsumoto who was sitting on his right stood up and with a quick 'I got another surprise for you' was gone and on her way over to Rukia. He looked away knowing that whatever she was going to say to the girl might cause him to lose his temper. On his left sat Momo who had just gotten up and walked towards the stage, climbing up she grabbed the mike and placed it right to her lips before speaking.

"I guess it time for me to sing a song now, hope you like it all" she smiled and looked Toshiro in the eyes and then blew him a little kiss, before the music started to play, and she started singing.

(Momo)

Mmmmm,

In your arms.

In your arms,

I can still feel the way you want me when you hold me,

I can still hear the words you whispered when you told me,

I can stay right here forever in your arms,

And there ain't no way,

I'm letting you go now,

And there ain't no way,

And there ain't no how, I'll never see that day.

Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always,

We'll be together all of our days,

Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face,

Always.

Mmmmm baby.

In your heart,

I can still hear the beat from every time you kiss me,

And when we're apart I know how much you miss me,

I can feel your love for me in your heart.

And there ain't no way

I'm letting you go now,

And there ain't no way,

And there ain't no how, I'll never see that day.

Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always,

We'll be together all of our days,

Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face,

Always.

I wanna wake up every morning.

In your eyes,

I can still see the look of the one who really loved me,

The one who wouldn't put anything else above me,

I can still see the look of love in your eyes.

And there ain't no way

Yeah,

I'm letting you go now,

And there ain't no way,

And there ain't no how, I'll never see that day.

Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always,

We'll be together all of our days,

Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face.

I'm keeping you forever and for always,

We will be together all of our days,

Wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face,

Always.

I'm keeping you forever and far always.

Mmmm forever ever.

In your arms.

There were clapping and praise but no were near as loud as it was for Rukia and Matsumoto, but that didn't seem to faze her, as she came back to sit down next to him she was going on about how much fun it was and that, she loved to sing because she was good at it. In his mind Toshiro couldn't believe Momo thought that was good. Not bothering to listen any more to Momo's self praise, he looked over at the people around him, and then something caught his eye. He could see Matsumoto pulling a very reluctant Rukia to the stage again. When she got there she let go of Rukia and jumped up on stage and started talking into the mike.

**And that's all she wrote lol hopefully chapter three will be good enough for you, hope your likeing it so far and sorry if I'm not so good writing is only a pass time passion for me lol xxxx.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So again I don't own bleach, the characters or the songs, wish I did. So we continue where we left off hope you enjoy. P.S. I got told that I don't know what its like to be cheated on, well I do, I'm sorry, I rushed into making this a happy story, hopefully this is better.**

**My Heart Sings for You **

**Chapter 3**

"Ok guys, now I might have had to drag her up here but, Rukia Kuchiki is going to sing a song that I know Toshiro likes, and as reluctantly as she is I'm **making** her sing it, as my present to Toshiro, so Rukia get your butt up here." She smile and looked at Rukia who hadn't moved an inch. Then all of a sudden Rukia was lifted up on stage by the people standing behind her, as cheers, clapping, shouts, whistling and compliments were sent up into the air. He saw Rukia sigh in defeat and take the mike from Matsumoto, the music started and all grew quiet as a small instrumental peace started playing, and Toshiro immediately knew the song.

**(Rukia)**

(Instrumental)

_**Hmmmmmm.**_

_**There's a hero,**_

_**If you look inside your heart,**_

_**You don't have to be afraid,**_

_**Of what you are.**_

As soon as she started singing she was captivating she had her eye closed and was letting the music take her away. Her heavenly voice was ringing through the garden, no one was talking and all were listening to the sweet and enchanting voice of, Rukia Kuchiki.

_**There's an answer,**_

_**If you reach into your soul,**_

_**And the sorrow that you know,**_

_**Will melt away.**_

_**And then a hero comes along,**_

_**With the strength to carry on,**_

_**And you cast your fears aside,**_

_**And you know you can survive.**_

_**So when you feel like hope is gone,**_

_**Look inside you and be strong,**_

_**And you'll finally see the truth,**_

_**That a hero lies in you.**_

Toshiro could actually feel all the pain he caused her coming out in her words and he hated himself for it. The melody of the song was gentle and beautiful, and along with her voice it made you stop what you are doing and listen to it. It finally hit him what he had let go. And his heart was hammering in his chest because not only did he just realize this but he also realized just how miserable he has been since being with Momo.

_**Its a long road,**_

_**When you face the world alone,**_

_**No one reaches out a hand,**_

_**For you to hold.**_

Rukia could feel her world breaking as she sang this song, because this is the song she always sang for him when he would be at his office working late and tired, and even though he refused to take a small sleep she would drag him over to the coach and sing this to him and he would be asleep within minutes.

_**You can find love,**_

_**If you search within yourself,**_

_**And the emptiness you felt,**_

_**Will disappear.**_

_**And then a hero comes along,**_

_**With the strength to carry on,**_

_**And you cast your fears aside,**_

_**And you know you can survive.**_

_**So when you feel like hope is gone,**_

_**Look inside you and be strong,**_

_**And you'll finally see the truth,**_

_**That a hero lies in you.**_

_**Oooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!**_

Rukia was thanking whatever power above that this song was almost finished so that she could the go off somewhere on her own and finally let out the tears that have been threatening to fall all day long, she didn't want to cry in front of Toshiro because she didn't want to hurt him.

_**Lord knows,**_

_**Dreams are heard to follow,**_

_**But don't let anyone,**_

_**Tear them away.**_

_**Hold on,**_

_**There will be tomorrow,**_

_**In time,**_

_**You'll find a way.**_

_**And then a hero comes along,**_

_**With the strength to carry on,**_

_**And you cast your fears aside,**_

_**And you know you can survive.**_

_**So when you feel like hope is gone,**_

_**Look inside you and be strong,**_

_**And you'll finally see the truth,**_

_**That a hero lies in you.**_

_**That a hero lies in you.**_

_**(Instrumental)**_

_**Hmmmm!**_

_**That a hero lies in...**_

_**You.**_

With the song over and the music dying down, Rukia finally opened her eyes to see everyone staring at her with their mouth hanging open, she looked down hiding the blush that was creeping onto her face. From the silent hanging in the air to the loud and booming applause, some people were actually crying and others were shouting praises. Rukia lifted the mike back to her mouth and spoke softly into it. "I need to go cheek in with the chef a moment, and then I'll be back." She left the stage and disappeared around the corner, when she was out of sight of everyone she ran down the hall heading for the kitchen.

Although there was one person who saw this, not being able to fight the urge to see if she was ok, Toshiro stood up and excused himself saying he needed to use the rest room, as he went in the same direction as Rukia did he could hear a faint crying sound, gently he made his way towards the kitchen and poked his head around the corner, there right before the doors to the kitchen was Rukia on her knees crying like he had never seen her. As he was about to move and go comfort her he heard her speaking.

"I should have told Matsumoto I couldn't sing that song, now look at me. Brother would be disappointed if he saw me like this and, he would want to know the real reason why I'm cry and not the one I told him after that day, I'm such an idiot," she stood up and shook her head. "No more tears, if I'm going to get through tonight I need to at least look like I can handle this. God I miss him." She shook her head again and walked to the door to the kitchen and opened it and walked in. Toshiro was stunned, he had never seen her cry like that not even when she was beaten and battered, or even when she was set for execution, and to see her like this because of him made him feel horrid for everything. With that he left and went back to sitting down.

Inside the kitchen Rukia walked up to the cake and looked at the chef's work, it was amazing. It was a three tier vanilla sponge, decorated with a light sky blue frosting and had an interact white icing dragon stretching around each of the layers. On the ledge on the bottom layer there was a smile frosted watermelon slices, the next one up was strawberries in the same manner. The cake topper was a simple but elegant dragon make out of sugar craft, with a few candles placed around it. (**Melted sugar basically**) She smile at this and thought that it was fitting for Toshiro. She walked back out of the kitchen having composed herself while in there and walked back out into the garden the chef following close behind with the cake. When she came in view of the gardens the lanterns dimmed and there was "ohh's" and "arr's" heard when they saw the spectacular cake being brought over to Toshiro.

At hearing all of this, Toshiro turned and looked at the person coming towards him it was Rukia followed by the chef, who was carrying a lovely birthday cake with him, as they got nearer he looked into Rukia's eyes and saw everything, all the pain she masked and the hurt she was hiding. Plus something emotions he didn't expect to see like acceptance and happiness. But what he could see most in her beautiful, vivid, extravagant eyes was. Forgiveness. As he looked at her now he couldn't for the life of him understand why he had done what he did, how could he ever cause someone as sweet and innocent at Rukia pain and hurt, he will never understand. The phrase 'you don't know what you got till you lose it' was true.

Rukia smiled. "Happy Birthday Captain Hitsugaya." She said with a little bow as the people started gathering around to wish him happy birthday he could see her make her was back to Renji and Ichigo. Once she was there Renji gave her a hug, Toshiro was angry at this but then realized her shoulders were shaking, so he guessed she was still a little tearful. Ichigo was the next one to give her a hug, but his eyes were on Toshiro who was looking at the little scene with narrowed eyes, Ichigo's eyes were also narrowed as he glared at Toshiro and mouthed 'idiot' to him.

Toshiro looked away only to be meet by Momo' lips pressing heard onto his, he could see she had her eyes closed and out the corner of his eyes he could see Renji stand at the back of Rukia so that even if she turned around she would not see, and that he was glad for. He took a step back and turned to people and told them to help themselves. He took his slice and started eating it, while he ate it he was thinking of Rukia and then he saw Ichigo and Renji walking with Rukia up to the stage. Ichigo jumped up and took hold of the mike, Toshiro thinking that Ichigo was going to sing turned away until he heard what was now echoing through the garden.

"Hey there guys, I asked Rukia to sing this because she has an amazing voice, and I know she will be able to handle the high notes. She's a little shy so what I need you to do is give her a cheer and show her some encouragement, ok. Good. Rukia come on up." He smiled as he handed the mike over to Rukia who had just walking up and stopped at Ichigo who whispered something to her, she smile and walked forward a little so that people could see her. When she spoke her voice was soft, gentle and low. "Thanks." Then the music started and the sweet melody was heard. She closed her eyes again and lowered her head, Toshiro knew her well enough to know she was gathering her focus. Then she breathed in and her voice shimmered through the mike and around the silent garden all waiting to hear her sing.

**(Rukia)**

_**Can not touch,**_

_**Can not hold,**_

_**Can not be together,**_

_**Can not love,**_

_**Can not kiss,**_

_**Can not have each other.**_

As her voice reached his ears and the words came through with the meaning behind the words only she and he would know started fitting into place, her words, this song was directed at him. So he listened closely and waited for the rest of the song, knowing that there was a meaning behind every single word she was singing. Already the words started to hurt and pull at his heart.

_**Must be strong,**_

_**And we must let go,**_

_**Can not say,**_

_**What our hearts must know.**_

_**How can I not love you?**_

_**What do I tell me heart?**_

_**When do I not want you,**_

_**Here in my arms?**_

_**How does one walk away?**_

_**From all of the memories,**_

_**How do I not miss you,**_

_**When you are gone?**_

Again the words hit home and Toshiro found himself feeling all the hurt she did, as she sang her heart out. Right then she looked at him and the next time she sang was right to him, and he saw her eyes were dancing with emotions kept deep within her where she alone could see them and feel them.

_**Can not dream,**_

_**Can not share,**_

_**Sweet and tender moments,**_

_**Can not feel,**_

_**How we feel,**_

_**Must pretend it over.**_

_**Must be brave,**_

_**And we must go on,**_

_**Must not say,**_

_**What we've known all along.**_

_**How can I not love you?**_

_**What do I tell my heart?**_

_**When do I not want you,**_

_**Here in my arms?**_

_**How does one walk away?**_

_**From all of the memories,**_

_**How do I not miss you,**_

_**When you are gone?**_

Toshiro could feel his eyes start to burn as she sang, she looked away and had her eyes closed again, but he couldn't take his eyes of her, when she sang she was beautiful, he had always thought so, and she had only ever sang for him. It was the one thing he was able to say only he heard and he loved every minute of hearing her. But now she was singing for everyone and he knew that if he was going to make this right with her he needed to explain what happed, she never gave him a chance the last time they saw each other the faithful day.

_**How can I not love you?**_

_**(A little instrumental)**_

_**Must be brave,**_

_**And we must be strong,**_

_**Can not say,**_

_**What we've known all along.**_

_**How can I not love you?**_

_**What do I tell my heart?**_

_**When do I not want you,**_

_**Here in my arms.**_

_**How does one walk away?**_

_**From all of the memories,**_

_**How do I not miss you,**_

_**When you are gone?**_

The she looked straight at Toshiro and she said her final lines.

_**How can I not love you...**_

_**When you are gone.**_

When those last words were said he knew that she still loved him, thing is he was afraid she wouldn't trust him anymore, but he had to take that risk, because he still loved her to. As she lowered her head he saw a single tear fall to the ground and land on the wooden stage. The crowd was literally going wild as she walked off stage and back over to Ichigo and Renji who was, surprisingly, crying. She sat down and looked up at the stars and sighed. Toshiro knew that he had to talk to her, and he had to do it soon, because of her words near the start of the song. '_Must be strong, and we must let go'._ His mind was screaming at him, he understood why she had sang this song to him and he hated the feeling of losing her forever.

**Well there chapter 3 hope you all like it and that I'm not that bad at this lol xxxx.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Declaration time, I don't own anything except the story line, hope you all enjoy this chapter and I would love it if you reviewed and let me know if there are any improvements I can make to it xxxx.**

**Just a few thanks to those who have reviewed and have given me some insight into the following chapters. **

**Smile-bestthingintheworld**- Thank you for the kind review, and their my favourite couple as well. :)

**Animevy116**- Thank you as well for the kind review, and even if the situation is different, that is how is basically feels to be cheated on, but in every situation there are always other emotions as well, I've been through it myself so I know it's true. :)

**over the rainbow**- Thank you for your kind review and your comments, I know my writing can be confusing, even my family have said this, lol, and all you quires will be answered in the next few chapters :)

**El Frijolero**- Thank you for the kind review and I'm glad you like it. :)

x Thanks Guys x

**My Heart Sings for You **

**Chapter 4**

Gathering all of his courage, he stood and slowly started to walk towards her, the closer he got the more his nerves started sizzling like they always do when he is in close proximity to her. He knew that he hurt her deeply and that, if at all, it would take a very long time for her to forgive him. Rukia on the other hand was trying to convince herself that she had done the right thing, she had told him through her song that she was willing to let him go so he can be happy with Momo, the one she thought he loved. She remembered the time that she had brought him a little charm to hang from the end of his zanpakuto, it had a white and sky blue ribbon with a little crystal dragon hanging there its wing spread out, head held high and tail curling around into a graceful loop, he had told her he would always treasure it and that it would reminder him of her. She was so lost in thought she didn't see Toshiro stand just behind her.

Toshiro was thankful that Renji and Ichigo were up on stage singing a song that sounded dreadful. No dough Momo was at the food table again, he still didn't know how she could eat so much, and Matsumoto was most like involved in a drinking game with her drinking buddies, nothing new there. As he got closer he almost got the wind knocked out of him. Because while she was sitting there, staring off into the distance with a happy small smile on her face, she was breathtakingly beautiful. Although the words didn't do her justice at all. She was the only girl in the whole of soul society that had ever melted his heart of ice and made him feel normal and like he was flouting on air. Like he actually belonged. When he was around her breathing was easy, conversation was relaxed and came naturally and even smiling was something he was getting use to doing. She just had this pull to her. He can't even remember smiling once when he was with Hinamori.

Rukia felt a faint spiritual pressure and tuned her head to find out who it was, her eyes grew wind before she dropped them to the ground along with her head, giving a little bow. "Captain Hitsugaya." She addressed him. He smiled a little, she knew too well that he didn't like her addressed him as 'Captain', but that was when they were together, so in her mind it doesn't apply now. She looked up at him and then looked at the party behind him and then back at him. "Is there something I can help you with Captain? Is there a problem you would like to discuss?" she asked and looked him in the eyes. He sighed and looked down at her. She could tell that something was troubling him, but she had no right to know that that was, so she didn't ask any further. Their personal lives where just that now, personal. She waited silently for him to speak, working hard to keep up the Kuchiki mask, something she has perfected over the years and especially the last few weeks.

"Yeah actually there is." At this she stood up, dusted of her kimono and leaned against the tree she was near, waiting for him to continue. "You haven't said more than a few words to me since I got here." He wasn't angry he was just trying to start a conversation, he had wanted to talk to her all night but she had avoided him as much as she could, not that he couldn't understand, he himself had tried avoiding her for weeks so as not to make her uncomfortable. As he looked down at her slightly he saw her close her eyes. He knew why she had been avoiding him, but that didn't mean that it hurt any less, but again he knew he probably deserved it and more after what he had done to her. She may have been avoiding him, but he had broken her heart by going behind her back and sleeping with Momo, not that he and Rukia had gone that far in their relationship but, he had still hurt her deeply and now he regretted it.

Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes and looked at him, she was angry that he would say that, but she was also glad that he finally got it, he had hurt her. So she looked down and started to explain. "Captain Hitsugaya, it was not my intention to make you feel like that, I assure you, and I'm sorry I did. I was just trying to give you the respective space a Captain would need, that is all." She looked away and then turned her back on him not wanting him to see her trying to hold her tears back, he shouldn't have to be uncomfortable on his birthday and she was not going to do that to him. She kept her back to him as her tears slowly started to escape her eyes and fall down her face, she didn't know how much longer she could keep up this charade. How long she would last without crying like she so desperately wanted to, she knows that keeping her feeling locked up is not healthy for her, but she didn't want people to see her as weak, or for her weakness to be used against her, but most of all she didn't want Toshiro to think that she couldn't handle it when things got a little tough.

"You and I both know that this isn't about giving me space Rukia. Letting my Lieutenant hold this party here was very gracious of you, especially since I'm probably the last person you want to see right now." And this Rukia stiffened and it didn't escape Toshiro's eyes. "Am I wrong?" he asked waiting to see her reaction to this question. He saw Rukia bring her hand up to whip her eyes and turned around to face him, with her head bent down hiding her eyes from him, something he didn't like, he could always tell what she was thinking by her eyes. Toshiro was getting a little impatient and shifted his weight. What came out of her mouth was what shocked him the most, although he knew she was lying, it shocked him that she would be brave enough to question his word, no one ever questioned him. With a small smile he thought. _'Well except for Rukia of course.'_ Then his thought broke when she spoke.

With her head still down she answered. "Yes you are wrong." Was all she said and started moving towards him so she could go back to the party were everyone was, not wanting any of them to notice their little conversation. The tone she used was dismissive. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want to look at him and she most certainly didn't want to be having this conversation with him, and especially not here, because she knew that if she were to talk about what he did, she would break down right in front of him, not something she wanted to happen anytime soon. So with a whispered "excuse me." She started walking passed him. Toshiro was going to have none of it, if he didn't tell her now he would be miserable for the rest of his life. He had never been one to actually physically stop anyone from leaving before, so even he was surprised at when he did next.

He reached out and grabbed her wrist keeping her from moving any further. "Rukia, wait. Please I need to talk to you. I need to explain, I don't like seeing you like this." Was all he could think off to say, hoping that it would do the trick he stood there waiting again, he knew that right now an internal battle was going on inside of her, but he needed her to know, wanted her to understand that he still loved her and that he hasn't been the same since she left, or since she caught them that day. He saw the way that Renji and Ichigo were looking at her before, but he was sure that she didn't see or even knew that both of those idiots had feelings for her, he wasn't about to lose her to those two, not when he had a chance to change what had happened between them and get the only person he ever truly love back in his arms.

"Rukia please just let me talk to you, I just need to tell you something. Then if you decide that you still don't want to talk to me then I will leave it at that." He saw her sigh and knew that he would have a chance to change this, make it better, if he could. She nodded her head and with the smelliest voice he has ever heard from her she spoke, although it was barely audible he thought he might not have caught it, but he was listening so intently to her that even her quite voice he heard, he was happy that she was giving him a chance to explain it to her. Her words didn't shock him so much, she was a kind and caring person and she would always give someone a chance to explain even if they didn't really deserve that chance, she always gave them it. She was good and pure, right to her very soul. That's what he loved most about her, how she could always see the good in everyone, even him.

"What do you want to say." . Rukia knew that whatever he was going to say would break her and she didn't really want that to happen with all these people around but she knew she should let him talk. She thought he would say something like 'sorry, but it just had to be her' or something like that, and she knew that it would tear her world apart but, he at least deserved to be heard out. She looked at his hand still on her wrist and then looked at him, asking him silently to let her go. His hold was to much for her to handle right now. She didn't want to hurt him but he had no idea what that simple hold on her wrist was doing to her, her heart was speeding and pounding in her chest, her mind was going dizzy and she was fighting the urge to wrap her arms around him and hold him close, tell him that everything was ok and that he was going to be alright. She needed him to let her go.

Toshiro saw her look at her own wrist and then look at him, pleading with him to let her go, he could also see the conflicting emotions swimming in her violet eyes. So he let go and gestured with his head for her to follow him to the private garden he knew was at the back of the manor, for he had been there before. "Somewhere a little more private if you don't mind, I don't think you want everyone to hear what I want to say to you, I know I don't. Please trust me." He said. Even he could hear the pleading tone in his voice, he smiled at her a little and saw a single tear fall from her shimmering eyes, the urge to whip that tear away was powerful but he restrained himself, he knew what she was remembering at his words just now, he had said them to her once before and now she was hearing them again, after he had shattered and crumbled her trust in him only weeks ago. Trust she had given to him willingly and whole-heartedly, trust he knew that was hard for her to give to just anyone.

He started walking after he saw her nod her head and then keep it low, following him to the private garden that was at the back of the manor, which was only for the family and the people they invited there. As he walked he could see that she was shaking a little bit, although it wasn't from being cold he knew, as she was an ice wilder like him, she like it colder than others. As they got nearer to the little garden he was getting nervous as to how he would say that he loved her and wanted her back when he was the one who had left her broken in the first place. She had shown him love and taught him that being yourself is ok, and how did he repay her, by going off with Momo and sleeping with her behind Rukia's back. He didn't know how she would react but either way he was going to tell her that he made a huge mistake and that he only needed her in his life throughout time. He was scared for the first time in many years, even more scared than when he faced Aizen. They had reached the garden by now and now Rukia stood in front of him waiting for him to start, her voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"Well Captain Hitsugaya, you were the one how wanted to talk in private so go ahead." It was between a demand and a request all rolled into one. Toshiro mustering up as much courage as he could, not that he had much left after her tone of voice she just used. Closing the distance between them and standing right in front of her, he lifted his hand to stroke her face but she turned her head away, avoiding his touch, although he knew that it would take her a while to trust him again, it still hurt like knifes cutting into his heart. So trying not to be too fazed by her rejection he placed his hand on her arm instead, he could feel something the moment he touched her arm, something that made him feel whole for the first time in weeks. He wanted her to look at him so he could tell her to her face what he wanted to say, so she could see his sincerity, but she stubbornly refused to do as he wanted. He sighed before he spoke.

"Rukia look at me please." She turned her head slowly and lifted it a fraction so that she was looking at him, just barely, and at that moment he wished he didn't ask her, for he saw her eyes brimming with unshed tears that were threatening to fall, again he felt the pull against his heart, because he had brought those tears into her beautiful violet eyes. He took a deep breath and started to explain. "Rukia. I never wanted this to happen, I don't know why I did it, I don't know what was wrong with me, and I know is that I hurt you. I am such a fool Rukia. I know that now, I understand there is no way for me to apologize for what I did to you, for the way I hurt you, and that you may not trust me anymore, but there is something I need you to know. Even if you choice not to believe the words I say to you, I still have to say them." He took a deep breath and inched closer to her.

Rukia on the other head never even felt the tears start to fall from her eyes as he spoke, and she realized that she had been lying to herself, she couldn't do this, she couldn't forget all the times they had spent together, she couldn't pretend that he meant nothing to her when he meant everything, and to be honest with herself she didn't want to. she loved him as she always would, he was perfect just the way he was to her, she love the way he could be so level headed when he needed to be, she was grateful when he would try to finished his work loud early just so he could spend time with her, she respected him as a Captain, a soul reaper, a person, a men. And above all else she loved and adored those rear and breathtaking smiles he would give her every time he saw her. She missed him and if she was truthful she wanted him back but, she didn't want to hurt him by taking him away from someone he loves, she didn't have the heart to hurt him like that.

**Well that's the end of chapter 4 but hopefully chapter 5 will be up soon kk xxxx.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So here is chapter 5 like I said I hope you all like this story and your reviews and even criticism are welcome because they can help me to make a story better, unless you wanna say its crap then plzzz don't write it lol, but then again I guess I cant stop you really can I xxxx.**

**Declaration:: I don't own anything except the story line, coz if I did then things would be so different lol. xx**

**Just wanna say a really big thanks to ::over the rainbow:: who is really supportive and kind with reviews, and to answer their question, yes they were together but they were still in the awkward phase of their relationship, the phase were your just starting out maybe a week or to into the relationship and both have to learn new things about the other, especially when going from friends to something more. xx**

**Thank you also to ::Kuroshiro Yuki . C-LOVER:: who also left a nice and kind review. xx**

**My Heart Sings for You **

**Chapter 5**

Toshiro saw Rukia look at him and smiled at her a little bit. "The truth is Rukia, I still love you. You are my sun, when I see you my day gets that little bit brighter. Your my heart, my soul, my everything, the saying _'you never know what you have until you lose it'_ is true, because not only have I lost the best thing in my life but, without you I have lost myself, you changed me for the best and without you I am nothing. So I ask you now please let me try and make it work between us, now that I understand better what you mean to me, I just know I won't be able to live without you in my life. Please, take me back, let me come home." He finished with a sad smile and he noticed that he too had started to cry.

Rukia saw tears trickling down his face and debated on wither or not to whip them away, her feelings got the better of her. She lifted her hand and with her thumb whipped away his tears. She held his face in her hand and looked into his eyes, and then she spoke her voice breaking every now and then. "Toshiro, don't cry. I'm not worth your tears, and if I'm being honest with you, I still love you too, I thought what we had was something special. To me it felt right. I gave you everything I had and everything I was, and then I get cut down. I love you, I really do," she took a calming breath. "But how can I trust you when my trust has been broken. When I saw the two of you, at the time all I could think was 'at least he's happy now'. You have no idea how much I want to take you back, just like with you, I had found a place to call my home, I had found a place I thought I belonged, but I can't hurt you by taking you away from someone you love. You will always have my heart, like you always did. That will never change, but your with Momo now, I don't want to hurt anyone."

Rukia had fallen to the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest, crying all of the pent up emotions she had hidden away for weeks. Toshiro couldn't take it and knelt down next to her and wrapped his arms around her and cried out his heart to her begging her in a jumbled whisper. They cried together for a few minutes until he lifted her face with his hand and looked into her shimmering eyes, eyes that still held love for him. He tried again. "Please Rukia. I need you." He knows his voice sounded needy but he couldn't help it, his emotions were getting the better of him. Before he and Rukia was together he was known as the ice cold Captain of the 10th Division, but during his relationship with her he changed, his icy personality began to melt a little and everyone could see that he was happy, truly happy, he even smiled a little bit more.

She could see that he meant every word he said, he really did still love her, but she had to make him aware that there was another involved in this problem. She was not the type of person to ignore other people's feelings, it would be unfair to not consider the person who would also get hurt if things were to go back to the way they were, and her conscious wouldn't let her. "What about Momo?" Is all she asked, as saw him look back in the direction of the party, so did she. Thinking of the 5th Division Lieutenant who could sometimes have snowflake like emotions, even though Rukia couldn't really say she really care after what happened, she was still a little concerned about the effects it would have on the girl. She was waiting for him to reply, and knew that he was trying to come up with something to say, like 'just forget that I said anything', she would pretend, like she always does, that everything was ok, until it really was and then she would finally be a peace within her mind. So when he spoke to her in a strained voice and a lowered tone she was surprised, to say the least.

"There is nothing there with Momo, she's my best friend and that's all I love her as. With you it's like my body and my soul is on fire, alive, breathing. Yes she was my first crush and, there will most likely always be something there but it's nothing compared with what it feels like being with you." He looks back at her and her eyes were shinning, he smiled and held her face in his hands so she would have to look at him, he felt her shiver and inside he was happy he still had that effect on her. He looked her straight in the eyes and said the most simple but heart warming thing ever. "It's you I love Rukia, and it always will be." He saw her about to say something and move one of his hands so that his index finger was gently lying on her lips, he already knew what she was going to say. "I don't care as long as I'm with you." He moved a little bit closer hoping that if she look in his eyes long enough she would notice that his words were true, even after all this time. She could read him better than anyone else and hopefully that would help her see his real feeling within those words.

She realized how close they were and so she pushed him away gently, she stood up not looking at him but slightly up at the sky, her mind made up, she could still feel the sadness, heartache and pain, but with her decision made there was only one thing to do now, and that was to follow through with what she decided. She was going to hate this but maybe she would feel a little better once she told him. And she knew that she needed to voice her feelings and her thought to able breath more easily.

He felt her push him back slightly and stand up. Looking at her, he got this wired feeling in his chest and he knew that she had come to a decision, and he knew that even if she didn't take him back right now, he would still try to be with her again some day, because he loved her. Looking at her face now, shrouded in the moons pale glow, making her pale skin look almost like porcelain, he was left breathless, so when she turned and looked at him, his breath hitched.

She knew that he would always feel something for Hinamori and she wouldn't be the other woman in his life, she could feel it whenever he said her name, he said it with such emotion that she knew he would end up going back to her if she was to ever ask him to be there, and seeing how things went last time she knew that if he did it again she wouldn't be able to bear it, so in that second she closed of her heart and emotions, her mind already made up. He was never going to be able to let go of Hinamori and there was the problem. She knew that she would never love another and would never want to but she would not be put through this again. Her heart was already shattered into a million pieces, she didn't need it happening again. Looking at him she could see why she had became friends with him in the first place, it was the rear gentle side he would show every now an then.

"Toshiro, I said before that you will always have my heart and I meant it, but I will not go through this again. You will never be able to love me fully while you have feelings for Hinamori, and I will not be the other woman in a three way relationship. If you loved me as much as you say you do then you would not have done this in the first place. It is not love you feel for me, its gratitude." she saw him shake his hea and she smiled before continuing. "Because I was there for you when she was not and now that she's back she once again has your heart." She lowered her head and spoke again. "I will always be your friend, like I was when we first started talking, but I will not let you hurt me the way you did. Maybe if you didn't still have feelings for her then we might have been able to fix this, but I know in your heart that is not the case. Friendship is all I can give you while you love her. I'm sorry, I don't want you to hate me for this but if you do then I understand." She bowed and waited for his reply. She looked up at him hopping he would understand.

Toshiro felt hurt but he knew that he needed to earn her trust back, and if being friends first was the way to do it then so be it. He could always get her back once the trust was back. He smiled at her letting her know it was ok, he saw her visibly relax but he also thought he should let her know something. "I understand Rukia. I guess that I knew it all along but didn't want to admit it, and I know I only have myself to blame. But you should know that I'm not going to give up on you, or the love I feel for you. Even if it takes me all my entire life, I will gain your trust back, and earn the love I know you still feel for me. Even if we have to be friends for years before I can hold you in my arms again, I will do it, to prove to you that I am worth the love and trust, you will always be my ice butterfly, but for now friendship is more than I deserve. Thank You." He gave her a gentle hug, inhaling her sent and committing it to memory, it may be a while before he can hold her like he use to, and he didn't want to forget anything about her. Reluctantly he stepped back letting her have some personal space again, but tapped her lightly on the nose just so he can see her blush, and there it was. A light pink dusting her porcelain cheeks. He loved it when she blushed.

Rukia smiled brightly as she thought over what he said. She was grateful he understood and still wanted to be her friend. Maybe in the far future she would trust him enough to go back to the way they were, but for now, friendship was her safety net. Looking into his eyes she could see that he had a determination in them and knew that he would try anything and everything to get her back, it gave her a light feeling and she could feel the weight of everything leave her, all the stress over this is that little bit more bearable. And for the first time in a while she smiled a true smile at him. A smile that no one has seen in weeks. And it actually felt go for her to smile.

Toshiro then remembered that he never actually told her why he cheated on her, thinking about it now he didn't even know, and whenever he tried to remember he would always get a slight headache, _'I'll have to look into that'_ he thought, he can't remember ever having memory trouble before, he always remembered everything, _'definitely something I should sort out'_. "Rukia, I don't mean to hurt you further, but did I even mention why I, you know, did what I did? It's just that I can't seem to remember why, it's as if my memories are locked away from that day, and considering that I never forget anything, as you know, I'm a little confused." He sighed, this really was grating on his nerves. He looked at Rukia and saw her look of concern before it smoothed out a little. He smiled a little at her knowing that she worried about him.

Rukia smiled back a little bit. "I don't think you did, but then I kind of hid away from you for a while." She laughed gently. "And you're right, you have never forgotten anything before, so it is kind off worrying that you can't remember." She looked at him with worried eyes, scared that he was unwell or something. "Maybe you should have Captain Unohana take a look at you. I mean if it's something that has never happened before, she might be able to help you. But right now you should enjoy your birthday while it lasts." She smiled again, knowing that the Captain of the 4th Division would be able to help him if he was ill, although she can be scary at times, she's always able to help those in need. Gesturing with her head that they should head back to the party, she started walking with a sincere smile on her face. _'Everything will turn out ok in the end' _she thought.

Toshiro followed after her. "I'll go to her tomorrow." Still worried but for tonight he was going to relax slightly, knowing that at least his friendship with Rukia is still in tact. After all she had worked hard to give him something to remember, so he should try is best to enjoy it. He looked at her and smile, receiving a smile back.

Friends once again they walked back to the party talking about anything and everything, even laughing and joking with each other. Peace once again surrounding them.

**Well that's chapter 5 complete and I hope you like it. Next chapter a little different, I thought that it was time for a little light fun instead off all the emotions, also a little bit of humour as well as more songs. So it will be longer :) hope you like it xx. **

**Let me know if you think this is a good idea kk xxx**


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